A Quarter century passed, I am still here : Wondering !!!! Born and lived thats every persons story. So is mine, but with a few extreme elements. Born in a small town in Rajasthan. Brought up with extra care as everyone believed that something is wrong with me. My father always thought that i'll do good in life. And i have always tried my best to proove him wrong. With this idea that i do not belong to the system arround me or the world people are living in, i started my life retaliating everything which came to me from an early age. But soon realised, that somethings, whether you like them or not, have to be done in order to make people happy and it doesn't matter how unhappy you become with yourself. I loved extreme and i hated extreme. "The best when good and the worst when bad" -Policy. Passed my school, without any wish of doing so, with nearly 60% scores every year. But then came a time when i put this freely flowing mind to concentrate on studies and obviously everyone was surprised at the next years scores. I still dont know, why i did that. It was a requirement, or i wanted that or because everyone was comparing me with my brother who was the most intelligent guy of his batch or because my father asked me to do so. But i did good. Soon the time came to make a decision about career. Everyone was totally against whatever popped up in my mind. Cleared CPMT for medical schools, but could not go to counselling. Cleared NDA , but was thrown out at the interviews because of height and arrogance. Other professions, like Designing and all, were just stupid for people arround me. So i chose to go away from everyone taking marine as a field of choice. Although i lived nearly 14 years of my life alone in my own world, but still i was somehow very close to people arround me, and i alsways wished to go away in some peaceful place. Somehow graduated from MERI in 2006. Sailed for one year on a ship older than myself. And i liked it so much. I learned, worked and enjoyed. Without thinking about nething else. I just loved it and i would always wanna do that. Coming back to home was sad. Thats one part of the story. Here is the other part : I always wanted to be independent: finanicially as well as personally. So starting at an age of 16 i started earning my own money and taking ´care of all my expenses and thats the time i first came across many different kinds of people. I, for first time in my life, started making firends. Earlier i had only one. At the same time some however, i came to know that my childhood friend and myself share a lot more than just friendship. But before i could respond, it was too late. Thats the first time felt lonely because i lost a person i loved the most. Then i fell in love again many a times, but it never worked out. And i moved on everytime. Searching for another person who could understand the world i was living in. In this respect too, i failed. I realised that every person has a world of his/her own and no one is really interested in knowing anything excpet that. I was!! So i kept on making friends, discovering new thoughts and perceptions, trying to find the perfect person for me as well. Still the search continues and i find myslef alone. But the best part was, that i learned a lot from people whom i met on the way of life. I did many terrible and wonderful things. and i learned, what, i cannot say or define, but i did. Still i am wondering about many things and trying to figure out what to do in life. May be i will find a way. But seriously i dont care any more. Nothing is going to change in this world with respect to what i do or not. The world remains the same.... very different from the world i live in !!!!!!! |
